Wednesday, January 14, 2009

facing my fears

well since this is my first post here at blogspot i thought it would be nice to start off with something light...

i first thought that writing was a terrible task to do. especially when you are asked to make an essay when those who will be reading have their own concepts of what is a good essay or not. i always feared writing my thoughts since i know that there may are lots of people out there who may think of me as someone who is seriously troubled or think of me as something else. they may laugh at my writing and dismiss it as a child's fantasy. of course it was..and that was years ago.

now, i write to comfort myself. i usually keep a journal though it may sound old style. i write what i see or simply jot down a thought. by the end of the day i find myself wondering at what i've written and that will lead me to writing something longer.

i've finished several notebooks and yet no one has read them yet. soon..when i'm ready...



Maskara

Last Sunday, as I went to church with my parents, I felt in need of some form of safety or shall I say some form of guidance. I wanted to find some peace of mind in this holy place which I’m sure will be able to give me what I wanted.

But in this case I was wrong.

When I left I had more questions than before. It wasn’t that I was disappointed but I came out with a sense of wonder once again. What touched me was the priest’s sermon for the day. It was about the masks that we wear. Everyone wears one according to the priest and it is this mask that we present to the whole world. Not our real selves. Why do we wear one? Because of fear that some people will not accept us the way we are. Because we ourselves are hiding something about us…something that we may be embarrassed if people find out about it.

I found myself nodding to this statement. Is it not true? We are proud with the face that we present to the world because you know that deep inside there is something flawed in you. And so you create a façade in which you can hide when you introduce yourself to the world. You know that somebody will not find you endearing or acceptable in society if you show your true self and perhaps will also find you somewhat weird or crazed as some would say.

The priest then told the congregation what good would it do? Why hide from your true self? Are we ashamed? Jesus did not pretend when He said that he was the Christ. He did not find it right that He lie about Himself. How else would people believe him?

And yet I couldn’t help but think why not wear masks once in awhile? Maybe people do wear masks for the sake of preserving themselves, their sanity, and their privacy? Would it hurt others if they knew that you’re just fooling them? When they realize the truth behind the mask?

Masks…we all wear one…I guess I wear one too. Maybe to prevent more unhappiness from the people I love, or maybe I don’t want anyone to find out my thoughts, my wishes, or my desires. I know what the priest was trying to say, and I’m glad that he did preach about it. I wonder if it made other people realize the truth behind the priest’s words?